Worst TUFC XI
Before I get to my favourite ever Torquay United XI, here is the opposite: the most physically and technically-challenged players to represent the club in the 15 (or so) years I have been watching TUFC on a regular basis. To keep it simple, I've stuck to permanent players only. Let me know what you think!
GOALKEEPER
Olafur Gottskalksson - This Icelandic keeper wins by some distance, partly because of his own idiocy and partly as representative of Leroy’s farcical attitude to player recruitment after promotion to League One. Despite the odd flashy reflex save, Gottskalksson was consistently liable to implode at any moment, right up until the day he drove off to avoid drugs testing never to be seen again.
RIGHT BACK
Lee Andrews - One of Ian Atkins’ more confusing signings, it was difficult to see what exactly Andrews was good at. His strengths certainly did not lie on the ball, where at best he was able to chip ineffectually out of play. Poor positioning, weak tackling and an obvious lack of grey cells between his ears led to us conceding many a goal. Arguably the worst professional footballer this Gull has ever seen.
LEFT BACK
Stephen Reed - It may seem as though I am picking on the 06/07 relegation team, but Reed is competing in one of TUFC’s traditionally-strong positions. He had no pace and very few defensive strengths, which may be why Cambridge and Weymouth have moved him to central midfield. Reed would hit dozens of aimless, back-spin infused diagonal balls towards the box, the exemplification of Atkins’ pub team tactics.
CENTRE BACKS
Martin McNeil - Seemed more likely to be able to drink a striker under the table than mark him properly. A really poor signing from the usually defensively-astute Roy MacFarland, McNeil muddled his way through with the poor able Woods, Woozley and Hazell alongside him. Was finally booted out after six months for getting pissed on New Year’s Eve.
Jamie Robinson - Perhaps a controversial choice, and an ever-present member of a side which nearly bagged promotion, but in a five-strong back line featuring Gibbs, Gurney, Gittens and Watson, Robinson was clearly the weak link. Gibbs often became infuriated by his penchant for hoofing the ball out for a goal kick. A subsequent spell at Exeter showed up his lack of quality.
CENTRAL MIDFIELD
Gary Clayton - Again, it may seem a bit strange to pick on a near-promotion winning player, but Clayton flattered to deceive. Easily the worst of our three ageing Argyle rejects - including Steve McCall and Chris Leadbitter - for some reason Clayton fancied himself as a dead ball specialist. Admittedly one or two free-kicks found the net over a two-year spell, but otherwise his contribution to the side was minimal.
Gary Brabin - “Oh, Gary Brabin, I want to know did you eat my pie?” How often do fans sing that at their own player? Complete waste of time: slow, fat, violent, and prone to hitting the ball out of the ground. And he had the cheek to criticise Torquay as a town. Felt very good to avenge those awful few games by beating his Cambridge side at Wembley.
LEFT WING
Brian McGorry - Wes Saunders’ first signing in his attempt to rebuild the squad following the previous year’s promotion near-miss, and I still can’t work out how Saunders thought he could build a team around McGorry. Needless to say, most of the 98/99 season was an uphill struggle until the arrival of Brian Healy to restore some order in the midfield.
RIGHT WING
Jules Mendy - Poor Mendy. First he was denied a work permit, after an impressive trial in the summer of 1998, and when he finally arrived to heightened expectations in 2000 he joined a club on the verge of crisis. Utterly lacking in pace for a winger, Mendy proved sadly inadequate cover for the injured Chris Brandon and was dispatched by the end of the campaign.
STRIKERS
Marcus Richardson - Some may disagree, but this Gull considers Richardson one of the worst strikers he has ever seen. With limbs flailing everywhere, the ball was rarely under control. Despite making a career out of popping up with the odd goal, Richardson contributed absolutely nothing to overall team play. A classic Roy MacFarland shocker in the striking department.
Habib Sissoko - A riddle, wrapped in a mystery with lashings of enigma. Was he genuinely hopeless, or misunderstood in a failing team? He certainly arrived with a big reputation - Wes Saunders’ proclaimed him the final piece in the puzzle. Either way it never worked, and he never seemed on the same wavelength as his team-mates. Ultimately a divisive, expensive mistake.
